oh god okay so i’m crap at things like this.
please don’t. i know you probably don’t want to talk to someone, but you should. and if you can’t/won’t/really don’t want to, then listen to me.
write a rant. write a rant about everything that’s been going through your mind. send it to me, post it to tumblr, tweet it, write it in google docs and never show it to anybody, handwrite it and burn it… do whatever you want with it, but write it down. it helps, i swear to god, (but that just might be for me cos i’m a writer).
if you don’t want to write it down, draw it. pour your entire soul and every thought you have into a drawing/painting/sketch of anything in the entire world. or, if you’re entirely artistically challenged, then cry.
i’m serious, cry into your pillow, turn your music up and lie on your floor and stare at your ceiling and let those thoughts run their course. don’t pick up the blade. don’t do it, don’t touch that steel against your skin ever again.
because trust me, i get it. I get the pressure of never being good enough or your grades sucking and the fact that you want to be better and look better and act better like everybody else seems to be doing just fine. I get the pressure and the anxiety of your future and your peers and the society around you.
but everybody else is in the exact same boat as you. Put the blade down, right now, okay? throw it out your window. right now. do it.
okay, have you done it? good, now read on.
(no i was serious, throw that stupid blade out, it is only going to make things worse).
now, i want you to remember to the happiest moment of your life. Can’t remember? bullshit.
you can. you remember those times where it’s midnight on a summer night and you’re sitting on a plastic chair being eaten alive by mosquitos while a bonfire spits smoke at you and you’re having the best conversation of your life with people you trust and love completely and utterly.
you remember those times where you walk with your best friend.
you remember those times doing whatever you enjoy doing with the people you enjoy being around with, laughing and being accepted and having the best time.
you remember that first time of putting on shorts or a t-shirt after winter, when april or may finally comes around and you can wear one without freezing your ass off.
you remember those times where you sit on a bench and hope the geese don’t snap at you.
you remember those times when you open your favorite book.
you remember those times you hit a follower milestone, whether it be ten or a hundred or even a thousand.
you remember those times you discovered your favorite youtuber, your favorite author, your favorite thing to do ever. you remember the last time you did it.
you remember all those stupid little things that make you smile, like having a substitute teacher in your least favorite class, or having that new shampoo end up smelling really good, or that ‘crappy book’ you bought for 5.99 that ended up being amazing, or that movie you saw at 11 o’ clock at night and ended up loving.
please put that blade down. i’m tagging this is ‘lovelyanon’, so whenever you feel the need to relapse again, you can put that blade down and reread this. there are so many things worth living for, worth fighting for. don’t hurt yourself for them. i think you’re so much powerful than that. ignore those thoughts in your head, because yOU ARE A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER WHO CAN BEAT THOSE AWFUL THOUGHTS AND YOU HAVE THE POWER TO PUT THAT BLADE DOWN, OKAY? I LOVE YOU. REMEMBER THAT. I LOVE YOU. <3333